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Dealing with Feelings of Resentment as a Stepparent

By: Elizabeth Grace - Updated: 15 Dec 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Parent Feelings Emotions Children

All parents experience moments when they may resent parts of their lives – parenting can be a thankless job at times, but for stepparents, who may take on many parental responsibilities without getting credit, the sense of resentment can be even greater.

Stepparents often deal with negative input from their spouse’s ex, who may be uncomfortable with a new person playing a role in the lives of the children, and even the kids themselves may not always be kind or welcoming.

So if stepparents are resentful at times, who could blame them?

Dealing with a Spouse’s Ex-Partner

Oftentimes, the biggest obstacles to a stress-free home life for stepparents come from the actions and attitudes of their spouse’s ex-partner. Exes often seem determined to cause trouble for their ex’s new family, refusing to allow the input of the spouse’s new partner to influence decisions about the children and even discouraging the kids from forming loving bonds with their stepparent.

While no one can control the actions or attitudes of another, stepparents may be able to minimise their frustration and resentment by requesting that their spouse intervene on their behalf, asking for at least respectful silence if true cooperation is out of the question. Unresolved issues between the children’s natural parents may prohibit the ex from ever accepting their children’s stepparent or appreciating the things that they do for the kids, but it isn’t unreasonable to expect that they could at least refrain from outward rudeness or troublesome behaviour.

Coping with Ungrateful Stepchildren

Kids often take it for granted that their needs will be met. Young children, especially, are inclined to simply expect things to be done for them without expressing gratitude to those who make it their business to provide.

As they get older, though, children should begin to understand that parents and stepparents typically work very hard to provide all that the kids need and often do without so that their children can have more. While a certain amount of gratitude doesn’t seem like an unreasonable hope, not all kids let their parents know that they are appreciative – some go so far as to complain incessantly about what they don’t have, rather than being thankful for their blessings.

The Importance of Expressing Emotions

Rather than being silent in their resentment, stepparents should express their need to have their contributions recognised and acknowledged. Sometimes, families have operated in a manner for years, never realising that their actions may be hurtful to other members. When a stepparent joins a family and finds that their ways seem disrespectful, it is quite possible that family members are unaware of how they are being perceived unless it is brought to their attention.

It is important for family members to talk about their feelings and to let other members know what they need to feel loved. Some people need to hear that they are valued, while others prefer that those who care for them show their appreciation by offering help with chores and lightening their load of responsibilities. In either case, stepparents (and other family members) cannot expect others to automatically know what makes them happy – they need to speak up.

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Reading the comments on this page have deeply saddened me. You're all ADULTS, why give in to how a CHILD is treating you? Berating them and then in the same breath saying you're just treating them the way they treat you. Congrats, you just stooped down to the level of a child. Your step child is coming from a broken home and often has emotional and psychological damage stemming from it that isn't found out until they're old enough to rationalize their emotions. You on the other hand are an adult who has the ability to show love and make a difference in this kids life. It is never easy and never will be but the youth is our future and to flat out refuse to invest any time love and energy into children that need it is immature and disgusting. It disregards any effort from adults who weren't your parents put into you in your formative years. If you're too selfish to give up a weekend so a child can be with their real parent, LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. You're an adult and should be used to such responsibilities. You have all strayed so far from god that you would rather a child suffer than you have to give up 2 days of being hedonistic and lazy. I am incredibly thankful to have grown up with an amazing step parent that accepted me and helped me, through both good and bad times. One of life's hardest truths is realizing that once you get to a certain age, not everything is about you anymore. Your relationship with your significant other will never come close to being as sacred as the bond between parent and child, and that is something you need to accept. It should not hurt. You would feel the same way towards your parents. Unless they didn't show love towards you, which in that case I'm very sorry. But only you can end that vicious cycle of hate and resentment. If you hate your step children for no other reason than them just wanting to see their father and staying in their room all day (not everybody is extroverted) you need therapy. Not to vent on a comment thread where other abysmal step parents will tell you its okay.
NewlyParanoid - 12-Nov-18 @ 10:30 PM
I'm the step dad since the child was 3, she's 13 now.I set rules that are never paid attention too. Cleaning rules, cleaning up behind herself and her area. She's a great student,but lacks the discipline she's aloud To do nothing,her mother never enforces any rule.She'll tell her to do it but doesn't follow up to make sure it done. And her daughter knows that,so none of the work gets done.I can't hardlyvsay anything to the child without the mother gettinginvolved, I can't even say anything to my own son as he as discipline goes without her intervening in a negative way. I'm so frustrated I want to leave the relationship.
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voirel - 19-Aug-18 @ 11:18 PM
My wife is the only mother my 6 year old son knows. She is not his bio mother but to him is all he's know since 3. We also had a daughter together early on. Now the baby of the family is almost 3 and her stepson, is 6. I just started a new job with very long hours and she is stating directly her resentment towards my son. Is there a middle ground and does this mean that no matter how much he loves her that she will stay this way?
Joe - 23-Jul-18 @ 1:44 PM
Married for 22 years and a step mother to 3 teenage now adult children and 2 bio children of my own.all I can say to all of you as step parents pack you bags and get out of the marriage, you will look back and regret all the wasted time you have spent trying to be in a family that was planned by someone else.You are not the parent and never will be, blood is thicker and always will be.mental illness, and isolation and negativity and anger is the reward for trying to love and care for family that do not want you. I spent years trying to blend a family, withlove and good intentions, it was all thrown in my face two years ago, I was attacked physically shouted at, and received a written abusive email to tell me just how much I was not liked, by the step kids and their partners. It was shocking to read my husband was devastated and very depressed about it, it was lies and very hurtful. It came as a shock, tousas their mother left when they were young, chasing boyfriends and spending money on herself.Muggins thats me, took on the caring role put up with her flouncing in out the home and abusing her children. We tried to make up for her lack of love, it was not the easiest of tasks as the daughter was against me from the start and still is, believing mother iswonderful.We hoped we could make good the terrible pain she caused them, now see that they are like her, in the DNA. So now let the absent mother get on with it, I am done and out of the picture. My health has improved and we live miles away from them distance is a wonderful thing. Still suffer high anxiety and lack of self esteem but everyday gets better.Allthe anti step mother comments, there are no wicked step mothers just us good dedicated human beings who give it all we have, until we are broken.Sucked in! .
Stepping out - 21-Jul-18 @ 7:20 PM
@Ali - He does pitch in from time to time.But, you are right.He needs to be primary.I know when we got together and I started making the weekend trips with him periodically he used to say it was so nice to have someone there to help.However, its more than help now.My husband works a very physical job and I get that he is tired.However, it is not uncommon for him to get up at 7 or 8am on the weekend and go off to take a 4 hour nap around 1pm.I do not feel it appropriate to just leave these kids unsupervised in my home.So, I stick around to see what is going on.We have been in this house a year.I had a medical issue th at kept me off my feet for about 2 months.During that time he did step up, cooking, cleaning and caring for me.But, since then he has not cooked for his kids nor does he make them do chores consustently.Well, the more I type, the more it appears to me that a conversation is in order......AGAIN!
CC - 16-May-18 @ 10:04 PM
@CC - I think you need to have a word with your husband - it's not really your responsibility to ferry her around, cook and clean up after her. I hope he pitches in. If he doesn't then he needs to. I said to my husband that it's fine, his son can come - but he needs to be the one to look after him.
Ali - 15-May-18 @ 2:54 PM
JanG-Vent all that you need to.It helps to know I am not alone, so thank you.Just this week one of his daughters called and asked to spend a few extra nights.Immediately I had a pit in my stomach.Now, I hsve to take her to school (two hour roundtrip), pick her up, cook for her, etc.I know my husband appreciates these things but it seems they make my animosity worse.Maybe I am feeling selfish and inconvenienced....maybe I just hate the assumptions that are made that I have no other plans. And all she does is sit in her room playing video games.Why be here?Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. CC
CC - 11-May-18 @ 1:28 AM
@CC - I often wonder how people can take on 'other people's kids' and love them and help out. I personally feel you have to have a very altruistic personality to do this and I'm not sure I have. Like you - I have my step-kids every other weekend and dread it. I dread the intrusion and I dread the political machinations of my husband's ex and I dread the kids coming knowing my husband's ex has been badmouthing me and the kids have listened and have a sort of offhand and cool attitude to me. My s-kids are not badly behaved they also just retire to their rooms and play on their computers or games consoles, but the coollness drives me mad. Also like you I feel resentful tidying up after them. I feel resentful of them being in the house and taking up my weekend. I know it's bad - but I can't seem to help myself. I have tried being accommodating and kind - but unless I get SOMETHING back from them, I slip back into treating them like they treat me. I haven't answerd your question - just ranted. But it is an impossible situation and I can't help the way I feel as I'm sure you can't too. I'd quite like to take myself off somewhere else for the weekends they come to stay. In fact, I just might begin to do that. let hubby have quality time with them. But if I do, I'll come home and know the place will be a mess and I'll end up hating them more. Argggghhh. Best of luck - Jan.
JanG - 10-May-18 @ 12:32 PM
I have been married to my husband for a little over a year and we have been together just about three years.When we met he was woeking in my home state and he traveled back to his home state every other weekend to see his kids.I accompanied him about every third trip.I have two boys of my own who are college age.His kids are in middle and highschool (he has 3).Ever since we met he expressed wanting to get back to his home state so he could be closer to them.I sold my home, left my job of almost 25 years and moved to his home state about a year ago. We generally have his kids every other weekend. They have no chores when they are here, they barely speak to thier dad, and pretty much stay in their rooms playing video games.They get sweet and attentive moreso when they need something.Also, on occassion their mom drops them off and almost always invites herself in, even going as far as going in the kids' bedrooms.I have expressed to my husband how this bothers me and he says he feels stuck in the middle and does not want to cause conflict with her.I have this overehelminb animosity towards her and the kids.I do not know of its because of the way they are with their dad, the fact that he will not say something and stick up for me, or the fact that they are her kids.I really want to get over this, but it seems to be getting worse.When thd kids are here, I cook and clean up after them.On the rare occassion they are here for longer then the weelend, I take them and pick them up for the most part due to my husband's work schedule.I guess I also feel like I raised my kids...these kids should not be my responsibility.But, I do want to help my husband since I do not currently work outside the home.Am I just being petty and selfish?Maybe that is where the animosity comes from.I feel horrible for feeling this way.Any words of wisdom?
CC - 9-May-18 @ 7:53 PM
@JessICA.... I feel like we are right.I have spent my own hard earned money to help them when she wrecks her car or breaks it down because she likes to race anyone she can for attention(she’s a legend in her own mind). I did it because she knows when every check comes and starts spending his money as soon as he gets it.Then he stresses when she tears up her car because she has to go to work and school and needs it.I think she needs to ride the school bus or find a ride.She’s “too good for all that”.She’s never been thankful for anything we’ve given.I told him I’m done if she stays after graduation. He claims as soon as she graduates it’s over for her.They fought about it last night and he told her she hasn’t been a good person and I’m coming first.She tried to play victim and he claims he stood his ground.Wish me luck, maybe he will actually do the right thing and her graduation will be a turning point.If not I know I’m done.I love him but I’ve been hurt a lot and I’m tired of hurting.
She’sinsane - 4-May-18 @ 10:51 PM
@She’sinsane!! - OMG. This sounds like an absolute recipe for disaster. A war and hatred from both sides you and the daughters (if you don't mind me saying). I think I'd steer well clear from the whole thing. You are never going to resolve this hatred of each other. You'll end up internally combusting and so will they by the sounds of it.
JessICA - 4-May-18 @ 3:06 PM
I’m due to start a life with my fiancé soon.His oldest daughter made him promise not to live with me until she graduated.She was horrible to me for 2 years while I waited for her to move on.His youngest daughter moved in during the first 6 months of dads promise.Dad promised me we would start our life together as soon as oldest graduated, no matter what youngest said/did- even if she threatened to live with her clinically insane mom. At the oldests’ graduation he broke his promise to me when the youngest threatened to be with her mom if he tried to live with me.I had another 2 years to wait while he kept his promise to her that he would wait.The brat has done nothing but complained about me, treated her dad like crap unless she wants something, and tried to cause arguments and ran my name into the ground. She is selfish, manipulative and disrespectful.She plays the victim any time she wants something.I am seriously thinking twice about committing to him because he has broken his promise to me once, and she just finished texting him... “what makes her think she can park in my spot, who told her she’s allowed to park where she wants.” Just an example of minor things she turns into huge complaints to justify being hateful to me and how she runs his house/life.His response, I’ll make her move her car when we get to the house....the demon only had to walk 3 more steps than normal.She always does this.He always bows down.Now she claims she will just move in with her boyfriend because she won’t live in the same house as me.I don’t want to live in a house with her either.She’s absolutely disgusting and filthy.She never throws anything in the trash, everything on the floor.Never washes or cleans anything.It’s completely nasty. Is there any hope for me and their father?The youngest is a narcissist/sociopath and he won’t straighten her out
She’s insane!! - 4-May-18 @ 11:58 AM
My stepdaughter is 3 and I have been in her life for about a year. Her father and I started seeing eachother and became pregnant with our own child very quickly. By the time I realized how difficult being a stepmom would be, I felt as though I was already stuck. My stepdaughter constantly tells me that she doesn't like me. If I get onto her for something she tells me I'm mean. She constantly tells me how much she loves her momma and has even said "my momma prettier than you." Also, my husband's mother favors my stepdaughter over my child which drives me crazy. She will bring several gifts for my stepchild and not for my child. She will not even hold my child unless it is a time that we do not have my stepdaughter. When I speak to my husband about both issues he says that he doesn't know what he's supposed to do about it. He says he can't control his mother's actions and that his child is a toddler and I should just get over that she talks about how great her mother is all the time and how she doesn't like me. She is also the center of pretty much every fight we have. We barely even disagree or argue unless it is about her. It is causing me a lot of resentment towards my stepdaughter. I dread the day she comes and count down the days until she leaves. I know these feelings are wrong as I love my own daughter more than I could ever express. I'm so stressed and so angry when my stepchild is around or even mentioned. I try not to show it to her but I'm sure she probably senses it. I dont know what to do about these feelings. I just want to fix them because I love my husband with all of my heart and I don't want this to drive us apart.
Mrs - 1-May-18 @ 10:38 AM
@kids - He has been the same since 5 years and still throws tantrums like he is 5 anytime asked to help, pick up, do anything. He refuses to get a job as nothing is good enough for his self entitle butt. He has actually laughed when i got upset over his behaviour and attitude and treatment of his father.I have tested him before to see what he says to his dad and told him i would do something and 5 minutes later he is off whispering to his father and having his dad yell at me. Oh happy day!!... i hope he does make it to uni as he applies no effort to school.
PaddlesMom - 2-Mar-18 @ 3:31 PM
@PaddlesMom - 16 is an horrible age. Ride it through. Hopefully he'll be at uni or leave home and get a job at 18 then you might be able to relax.
Kids! - 2-Mar-18 @ 3:26 PM
My 16.5 year old stepson who I have been in his life since he was 5 has never accepted me. My husband always overrides anything I ask or expect of him also, so makes it even worse. The child mocks me when I’m upset so I no longer get upset, but now the child is grating his father even worse than ever. Anything I say he tells his dad I’m putting words in his ear and to not listen as I’m lying ormaking things up. The child plays his dad like a fiddle and anytime o try to stop it I’m told I’m not his parent. The child’s mom is your house your problem he’s an angel At my house. Her boyfriend has been around since day 1 and she backs him up so child cannot abuse him like I get verbally.He only talks to his dad when he wants money or video games and lives with us 50% of the time.I have managed to hold on somehow but with the kid getting more manipulative what do I do?
PaddlesMom - 2-Mar-18 @ 1:05 PM
@Me...Are you saying that you are invisible to your husband? Sorry but your husband doesn't sound like a very nice man. You need to discuss this with your husband and I think I would be on my way out of the door if my other half was a) consitently rude to my kids and b) rude to me. I think you need to listen to the way you feel and act on it. You deserve to be loved and feel wanted and needed by your husband most of all. At least you have the support of all the children - but you also need the support of him too :(
Needaglassofvino - 22-Feb-18 @ 3:26 PM
All of these are very important. Mine is different, that my step kids love me, talk to me more than their dad or mom. I have adult sons and my husband has 2 teensgers that live with us. He has nothing to do with my kids, hates when they come over and is a bear and usually leaves, not saying anything to them until they are leaving.He is good with his kids, will bend over backwards to please them. Exs are not in picture. My problem is I am invisible to him. His kids mention this to him all the time. Tone of voice everything is different. I feel more alone than when I was single for over 10 years. Thoughts?
Me - 22-Feb-18 @ 2:44 AM
@Dream a Little - there is nothing you can do legally, unless you can prove 'parental alienation' But you would not be able to do this if your daughters are now adults :(
Rache - 20-Feb-18 @ 2:01 PM
My situation is very complicated...I divorced my exhusband when my 2 girls where hitting their teens. Bad time anyway but was due to a very long abusive relationship/marriage. I met my current husband very soon after the seperation. Was a very bad divorce with harassment and manipulation from the kids father and family. During this time the ex took advantage of the opportunity to help the resentments grow in my girls. Now mind you this relationship is not perfect either. Luckily their father dropped out of the picture during the up bringing of my girls teen years and into adulthood. My girls have chose to be the bigger person and have a relationship with their father now that they are adults. Well needless to say but the manipulation has not stopped nor has the trouble starting from the he said she said crap. I love my daughters more than life and i also love my husband. We have struggled through this 9 yr relationship (married for last 3) and have become stronger and better than ever but my girls still have the resentments and bad feelings. I just want everyone to be happy and to be able to enjoy our grandbabies together as much as we can without all the immatureness. Idk what to do or if there is anything i can do.
Dream a Little - 19-Feb-18 @ 8:58 PM
@Miserable - I know how you feel exactly. I AM so close to having my bags packed and leaving - just so I do not have to deal with this weekly ritual that makes me feel like my whole world has imploded. I've even begun to dislike my hubby as it irritates me when he can't see how massively devious his kids are. Grits teeth.
Jen - 22-Jan-18 @ 3:13 PM
I have been a stepmom to 3 kids for 2 years now. I also have one child of my own from a previous relationship. I am absolutely miserable when my stepkids come around. They speak however they like to me and act like its ok. Their dad defends them no matter what. It's always and I mean ALWAYS me overreacting. I have tried many times to say how but it's been proven to just be a waste of my time. They all, him and his kids, sit their and just act like they don't understand and they dont remember anything and Im just being mean. When they aren't there he and i get along just fine.I hate being in my own home when they are around to the point i feel physically sick. I just feel trapped there. I hate to say this but im ready to breakup with him just so i don't have to ever see his kids again.
Miserable - 20-Jan-18 @ 10:40 PM
@*m. You're doing a good thing to step back an allow your husband time with his son. We can't like all of the people all of the time and step-parenting is tricky. He's obviously very unhappy and I'd hate to think my stepson didn't want to come around because of me (even though we don't see eye-to-eye all of the time and I do find negotiating it difficult). You say you clamp down and put a wall up - he'll sense that - kids aren't stupid. He'll sense if you're pretending to like him even if you don't. So go an have some nice times with your girls and leave him to his dad. But try and give this generously. It's not his fault his parents have split up and he feels unhappy. He may feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable and unable to adjust - we all feel like that in certain situations.
CareyNN - 15-Jan-18 @ 3:00 PM
I'm have been married for 2 years been with my husband for 6. I have a daughter from a past relationship(who doesn't see her dad) my husband had a son from a past relationship( who we have on a Saturday) and we have a daughter between us. My daughter is 11, out daughter is 4 and his son is 9. Know I have tried for the last 5 years to have his son like me. I have tried to include him in games that I play with the girls, mucking around and making sure there are things here from him. But he don't really talk to me, he won't sit near me, he never thanks me only his dad, he won't play with anything, and when I think we have had a good day and I'm getting some where with him, we receive a text from him mum saying he feels left out and not wanted. This make me feel so bad that I build a wall and don't want to let him in. And every time I bring it down something happens for me to put it back up. Just before Christmas I told them all off for breaking my daughtersaighters cupboard as no one would own up to it. Then he stopped coming round and on boxing day he didn't want to be picked up until we where going to my husband's mums. He only wanted to come round half a day. Over the years he use to cry just to go home or just sit in silence and not do anything. He stopped coming round all together. My husband picked him up from school one day last weekto find out what was going on and he had said it's because of me he don't want to come round. I feel bad for my husband and I have now decided to go out on a saturday and leave my husband and the kids to have a relationship, as I feel bad he hasn't one with his son because of me. But am I doing the right thing? My husband doesn't want me to not be with him on a Saturday and I don't want to be withwithout him or the girls but I can't change who I am and I don't want him to miss out on his son because of me.
*m - 13-Jan-18 @ 11:12 AM
@Jamie871 - it sounds as though he is just scared of the major commitment of having an instant family. If you are pregnant now, then he's going to have to make up his mind pretty sharpish. Your kids are your kids and you come as a package. But you don't want to live with someone who resents your kids at such an early stage :( This could go two ways; he either settles into family life after his initial wobbles and takes on your kids as his own. Or he becomes increasingly resentful which is not a good way to begin a co-habiting relationship. You might be better living apart if you can - but that's not great for you if you have a third child to bring up and if finances are tight. You don't say how many months your are into your pregnancy. If you are really early days, you may have to make the decision whether to go ahead, as this will/could affect the rest of your life. You need to do some serious talking to him, that's for sure. Any other opinions from anyone? I really feel for you, this is not a great position to find yourself in. Hopefully he may man-up and sort himself out.Jess
Jess-89 - 7-Nov-17 @ 2:12 PM
I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. I am divorced and have 2 boys that are 8 and 5 and both lovey boyfriend. We were supposed to move in together over Labor Day and my boyfriend had a melt down of becoming and instant family so we postponed the move. Fast forward a few months I am pregnant(which was planned) and now my boyfriend is having serious issues with being apart of the boys life. He feels he isn't good enough and that he shouldn't sacrifice for them when he will never be more than a friend. I am seriosuly confused and not sure where this behavior is coming from. The boys adore him and I love him more for the impact he has had on them. I dont know what to do, we haven't moved in yet and I am pregnant with his child, but he is resenting mine. Please, any advice is greatly appreciated!
Jamie871 - 4-Nov-17 @ 12:27 AM
@Jaz - ahhhhhhh. You are amazing to take all this on board at such a young age and to sacrifice so much. It's lovely that you love your stepkids, but it's not them that are really the issue here, it's the dad. I'm sure if he was around more then you'd feel much more settled and contented. But, you are not put on this planet to serve him, you also have wants and needs of your own and please don't forget this. This sounds like an old-fashioned relationship from the 1950s where the woman was left at home looking after the kids - but this is not the 1950s and these are not your kids. If I were you I would get back to your career. The children are his responsibility and therefore he should take the majority care, but while you're at home waiting for him, by the sound of it, he's going to take advantage. Get a job, go on a course, get yourself a career, but please get out of the house and don't waste your life being an outmoded woman from a different era. You need to take control of your life as five or ten years down the line you will regret it. You may love him and the kids, but for your own confidence you need to get your own life too. Your man is being really unfair and selfish here and you need to put your foot down for fairness. The only way you will become more secure in your relationship is to take more control of your life and not be made to feel like a general dogsbody. You deserve happiness too. There is nothing more attractive than a happy, independent woman and your man needs to help you achieve this, not try to pull you back. Best of luck - let us know how you go <3
India** - 3-Oct-17 @ 12:16 PM
Hi There, I have been a step mother to two boys whom I meet when they were 5 and 8 years old, and are now 8 and 11 years old. My Partner is a musician by night (meaning he has a day job and doesn't normally get paid for his musical endeavors) and tends to have to leave multiple times a week in the evenings, leaving me with the children to feed, finish homework and prepare for school, showers and all those before bedtime rituals. Earlier this year we won full custody of both his children from their mother (she was an addict, and very ugly to him as well as myself, and we had basically taken the kids over full time within the first month we started dating). Issue is, We have been fighting a lot more recently because I have been getting upset about his leaving. Most of the time his reasons to leave are very last minute (rarely ever planned), usually have to do with his friends needing him for something, and they tend run a lot later than he initially states all while he's not the best at communicating when he is gone( I.e He will leave saying hell only be gone for an hour then 3 hours later he comes home and hadn't notified me that he would even be late.). A little more back drop history - he cheated once, with his ex wife, a year and a half into our relationship and so now It makes me even more uneasy and insecure when he leaves because he was supposed to be out doing music when he cheated. Now a days I get upset every time he has to leave because its always the same fight. He tends to lack planning and communication, and I'm left to feel like other things that do not contribute much to our family at all, take priority over us. While I am not the biological parent, I tend to be around or home more often than he is and the kids I know feel that too. I need some suggestions on how to get over this insecurity and become more secure in my relationship and giving him his freedom. Before this relationship, I was a 23 year old college grad with no children who met her SO at a concert of his, and now I'm more of a mom than anything I've ever been in my life. With that being said, I'm posting to this page because I feel like this may be due to a feeling of resentment - given my SO can leave whenever he's needed or he deems needed (whether I'm mad or not), but I have sacrificed most of my hobbies and personal activities to be a parent, as well as an available and supportive SO. I guess I feel like he needs to be home for the kids at least as much or even more than I am because they have basically lost their biological mother and I as the step parent can only fill that void so much. I love my three guys with all my heart, But I've become so consumed in running this household as the parent I always hoped I would be, that I've failed to give myself my own freedoms. Please help!!! <3
Jaz - 2-Oct-17 @ 5:52 PM
My husband and I have been together 13 years..I have 2 son's from previous marriage, and 1 together.Several years ago my middle son started acting out.. mostly taking it out on my youngest and husband.As long as he gets his way.It's fine.However when he gets in trouble and he looses privileges or we in force from my ex ( who he currently lives with).He blows up.I truly do not believe he treated them different..however the last several yrs have been extremely rough and trying.The disrespectful and resentment are unbearable.I am often caught in the middle.Our middle has recently lied continuously, and we have caught him messaging in appropriate..when he is here he also disrespects verbally his father .. I feel we have tried almost every thing. Niw do to the hateful comments.. my husband is starting to resent.. how can I support my family and bring them back together?? I try to respect my husband feeling and support him,. but there are times it will not be enough until I out a stop to our middle visiting until apologies...But it is also face value...And even if he does. My husband is very closed off for now...I'm crushed,. I truly do not know or understand where and what happened.. they used to be very close
Lost Ma - 26-Sep-17 @ 5:10 AM
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