Sharing the Parental Responsibility

Marrying someone who has a child almost assuredly means taking on some level of parental responsibility, but it’s important to establish boundaries so that everyone in the household does their fair share. Stepparents, especially those who share a home with their stepchildren the majority of the time, tend to handle a great deal of the day-to-day tasks of child rearing, including helping to guide the children as they grow and mature.

Establishing and Enforcing Household Rules

Household rules rarely appeal to a child, but they are necessary. Rules don’t have to be especially strict, but they should be fair and reasonable, establishing a set of guidelines by which family members can be expected to comply. Sometimes, stepparents express discomfort at the idea that they should hold their stepchildren to specific boundaries, fearing that the kids will either not like them or will not feel the need to respect their authority in the home, but most often, neither fear represents the reality of living as a stepfamily.

In blended families, both the natural parent and the stepparent need to work together to both establish and enforce a set of behavioural boundaries for the children. When their natural parent makes it clear that the adults in the household are working as a team and hold the same expectations for the children, the kids are likely to comply without too much complaint.

Dividing Household Tasks

In most homes, each parent and each child takes responsibility for a number of tasks so that no one feels overwhelmed by their chores. Fair division of errands, cleaning, and other household tasks can vary from family to family depending on a number of factors, including each member’s age, abilities, and level of outside responsibilities, but each family member should have at least some tasks that they call their own. Not only does splitting up chores help the work to go faster, but it’s important for kids to learn that they’ll feel good about contributing in a tangible way.

Avoiding Sexual Stereotypes

Decades ago, household responsibilities were often divided in a fairly predictable manner. While Dad likely made the bulk of the money, Mum probably took care of almost all of the shopping, cooking, and housekeeping. All children may have been expected to keep their rooms tidied up, but even childhood tasks were often determined by sex. Boys likely tended to the garden while their sisters were asked to handle indoor duties. Today’s families are less inclined to divide chores based on gender, with all members lending a hand wherever it is needed. Considering that many people no longer marry as young as they did a few generations ago, it’s important that children of both sexes learn to handle a wide variety of tasks so that they will be capable of running their own households one day, without depending on someone else to handle half of the chores.

Providing Children with Good Examples

Parents are in the unique position of being able to provide their children with living examples of the behaviours and attitudes that they hope to instill in the kids and by sharing parental responsibilities without complaint, parents send the message that happy, productive families work together to get things done. Additionally, when stepparents willingly offer themselves to their stepchildren, they help to form loving and lasting bonds with the kids, giving each child the precious gift of a parent’s love.