Respecting the Authority of Natural Parents

One of the most challenging situations that can arise in stepfamilies stems from differences of opinion regarding the care of a step child, but stepparents, no matter how close they are to their stepchildren, must respect the right of a natural parent to make decisions about their children’s well being. This can be easier said than done since many stepparents take on a great deal of responsibility for the everyday care for their stepchildren, but unless a natural parent is permanently out of the picture, they usually have the right to take part in decisions that affect their children.

Establishing Parameters for Stepparent Authority

When a stepparent first joins a family, they should already have had a number of important conversations with their spouse so that both are certain of the other’s expectations. Many people falsely assume that their partners share their viewpoint on important issues, but that’s not always the case. Defining the role of a stepparent before the decision is made to be one can help both spouses to iron out their differences before they have a chance to become troublesome to the happiness of the newly formed family. There are no definitive “right” and “wrong” ways of handling family issues, but it’s vital that agreements are reached that seem reasonable to everyone involved and respect each person’s viewpoint.

Teaming with Your Spouse

Disagreements with exes over matters concerning shared children can put a great deal of strain on individuals – which in turn can affect their current relationships if their new spouse isn’t understanding and supportive. While stepparents may not have any legal right to make important decisions regarding the welfare of their stepchildren, they often play an important role in the lives of those kids and have a great deal of emotion invested in their relationships.

Stepparent opinions should be given consideration, but they do not need to be voiced directly to a spouse’s ex. Instead, a stepparent is better off to offer their input to their spouse, who can then draw upon it when dealing with their ex. The bond that a parent shares with a child is a sacred one, and no matter how loving the stepparent, they must respect the fact that the child’s natural parents will always be in the position to make the final decision.

Respectful Treatment of Ex-Spouses

Ongoing battles between adults are sure to have a negative impact on the family as a whole, and can be especially troubling for the children. While ex-spouses may not be held in high esteem by their ex and that person’s new spouse (and may legitimately be undeserving of their respect), there is no need for a stepparent to be outwardly rude or unwelcoming towards their spouse’s ex. Because the couple shared a child (or children), they will remain bound to one another on some level for the rest of their lives. Even after the children have grown and gone off on their own, there may be marriages, grandchildren, and family get-togethers that require all parties to behave themselves and treat one another with respect.

Keeping Children out of Adult Disagreements

No matter how strongly a stepparent feels about their stepchildren’s other parent, the children should never be made to feel that they are being put in the middle. It is perfectly healthy and natural for a child to love both of their parents, and this bond should be encouraged and supported, unless maintaining a relationship with a parent puts a child at risk. Parents who are dangerous or unstable need to be kept away from their children, but unless such extreme circumstances apply, kids do not need to be privy to the negative feelings that the adults may have about one another.