Respecting Step Children and Their Feelings

The love and respect that exists between a parent and child seems innate; emotions run deep in families, but warm feelings can take time to develop between children and their stepparents. Fortunately, by offering children sincere warmth and appreciation, stepparents can earn the trust and admiration of their stepchildren.

Honouring Children’s Attachments

Children, especially young ones, are often blind to the shortcomings of their parents. While the unconditional love and admiration that kids offer is flattering, many adults are quite aware that their ex or their spouse’s ex may not be especially deserving of the warm feelings that their children hold for them. Despite having a realistic picture of the children’s other parent, parents and stepparents should never discourage kids from maintaining attachments to all of the important adults in their lives. An exception must be made, of course, if a parent has proven themselves to be a danger to the children; in such cases, parents and stepparents must put the safety of the children first, even if it means having to explain some of life’s harshest realities to their children.

Giving Kids Time to Develop Closeness

It is understandable that stepparents hope that their stepchildren will look at them with love and respect, but it is unrealistic to expect that these feelings be immediate. Just as it took time for a deep and loving relationship to develop between the stepparent and the child’s natural parent, a good stepparent/stepchild bond grows over time. Stepparents shouldn’t try to rush their stepchildren into behaving in ways that are in contrast to the children’s true emotions – to do so is not only unfair, but can actually delay the process of truly growing closer. While it may be a natural instinct to demand a child’s respect, genuine respect is earned.

Expressing a Genuine Interest in Stepchildren

If we think about the people that we feel closest to, they are likely to have a number of things in common. In all likelihood, they are the folks who have shown us, through both their words and actions, that they are deserving of our respect and additionally, they have probably expressed a genuine interest in us and have proven that they have our best interests at heart. Stepparents are often in the unique position of being placed into an important role in a child’s life before either of them has had the chance to fully develop a mutually loving relationship. It’s important for stepparents to make the effort to know each of their stepchildren as individuals, taking the time to engage them in conversations and attend their important events.

Working to Create a Loving Home Environment

Family relationships can be complicated – love and respect are vital to happy households, but since every parent and every child brings with them their own expectations and needs, it can take a while to find a balance that keeps everyone happy. There are steps that parents and stepparents can take to create an environment that is loving and nurturing, though, which can make each family member feel respected and appreciated.

Fostering warmth and respect amongst family members begins with the adults in the household. Kids learn a great deal from observing how the important grown-ups in their lives handle stress, conflict, and adversity, so providing them with good examples is vital. When parents and stepparents show their children that they respect their feelings, they send them the message that they are valuable and worthy individuals, feelings that they will take with them all throughout their lives.