Meeting your Step Children for the First Time

The first meeting between children and their potential stepparent may be anxiety provoking for both generations, but with a little preparation and support from the children’s parent, all should go smoothly. Even on occasions when the meeting doesn’t turn out ideally, stepparents can take heart in knowing that they’ll have plenty more chances to have pleasant encounters with their stepchildren.

Preparing Children to Meet Your Significant Other

Before a parent arranges for their children to meet with their significant other, they should prepare the kids by telling them a little about this person. Ideally, kids are invited to meet a parent’s partner once the parent realises that the relationship is going to be a lasting one, but before they’ve decided to marry, giving the children plenty of time to develop a relationship with their parent’s mate before news of a wedding is mentioned.

Of course, the amount of preparation that children need varies, depending on a number of factors, including their ages and maturity levels. Young children need only know that this new person is Mummy or Daddy’s special friend and while older kids can understand the nature of romantic relationships, they may take a while to accept that their parent is interested in (and capable of!) romance. Even grown children may exhibit some hesitation about their parent finding someone to love – it is usually not from selfishness that their concerns stem, but merely an adjustment to seeing their parent in an unfamiliar light.

Taking it Slow When Meeting the Children

Potential stepparents should not expect to meet their partner’s children one day and be the best of friends the next. All relationships take time to develop and when children are involved, care must be taken to progress only at a pace that is comfortable for them. In most cases, that means taking things slowly; gradually taking a larger role in their lives so that the transition feels natural, and not forced.

Taking an Interest in the Children’s Lives

Before meeting a partner’s children for the first time, it can help to know a little about them. Understanding the activities that interest them (even if it means doing a little research!) and knowing a bit about their favourite sports, foods, and celebrities can provide great topics of conversation so that the first meeting doesn’t feel stiff and uncomfortable. One would never dream of going into a job interview unprepared, so it makes sense to plan ahead to have a successful meeting with the children of your significant other – after all, the stakes are much higher!

Assuring Kids that You Aren’t trying to Replace their Other Parent

One of the main reasons that kids may hesitate in forming close attachments to the people that their parents are dating is the worry that a stepparent will interfere with the relationships that they have with their natural parents. Potential stepparents can reassure their partner’s children that they have no plans to disrupt the kids’ lives by respecting the kids’ feelings and honouring reasonable boundaries when dealing with their partner’s ex. Kids should never be made to feel that their loyalties to their natural parents are jeopardised by the introduction of a stepparent.

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