Being a parent is almost always considered a full-time undertaking, and while responsibility for children doesn’t stop just because they aren’t in the house, a parent who’s children do not live with them faces unique challenges when establishing and enforcing rules. In addition to the problem of not being physically present with the children on a daily basis, non-custodial parents frequently encounter opposition when their ideas do not coincide with those of the children’s other parent.
Making Your Home Welcoming for Visiting Children
If at all possible, children should not be kept from maintaining a loving relationship with their non-custodial parent. Unless the parent poses a danger to the children, both natural parents should be allowed and encouraged to remain close to their kids, guiding them and offering them their love and affection. Kids who feel welcomed in their parents’ homes and lives benefit in a number of ways, not the least of which is a boost to their sense of self-worth.
Often, a non-custodial parent does not have the space in their house to set aside an entire room for occasional use by their visiting children, but even when space is limited, they need to create a welcoming environment that shows their children that they have planned for and happily anticipated their visits. Keeping a stock of favourite family games, kid-friendly foods and snacks, and comfortable bedding for overnight visits sends the message to children that they are welcome guests.
Establishing House Rules for Kids
Most often, children learn to live within the guidelines set up in the household where they spend most of their time, but kids should also be expected to accommodate differences in rules when they visit the homes of others, including their non-custodial parent. Slight variances in house rules are common and kids learn quickly what is expected of them in different environments. Most children understand that while some behaviours may be acceptable at home, they are not okay at their grandparents’ homes, and this concept applies to other places, as well, such as when they visit the home of their other parent.
Because they are not in place to handle everyday discipline, non-custodial parents should make the effort to keep the rules at their houses somewhat similar to those that the children are used to in their full-time residences. It is unfair for non-custodial parents to let the children run wild on their visits, only to be expected to return to their normal behaviour after a short while. Kids fare best when their lives are steady and consistent, so it is good for them to have a similar set of rules at the homes of both of their parents.
Staying Involved in Children’s Lives and Activities
Typically, children love having their parents in attendance at their everyday and special occasion activities. Even parents who do not live with their children can maintain close bonds with their kids by making it a priority to go to the kids’ athletic or academic events, stay involved with the kids’ school activities, take them to extra-curricular lessons, and make time for regular visits. If geographical distance makes it impractical for parents to attend their children’s activities, they can keep close between visits by engaging the kids in frequent phone conversations and email dialogues.
Maintaining Respectful Relationships with Exes
Custodial parents have more opportunities than those who do not live with their children to influence the kids’ behaviours and attitudes, and the messages that they send (purposefully or not) about the children’s absent parent can have a great impact on the children’s opinions of that parent. Unless there are important reasons for portraying the less available parent as irresponsible or unstable, custodial parents should avoid letting their personal differences influence the way that they speak of their children’s other parent, at least when the kids are present. Ideally, children should be given the message that both of their natural parents care for them and have their best interests at heart.
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