What if you Decide to Have a Child Together?

In many stepfamilies, none of the children share both adults as their natural parents. But sometimes, parents and stepparents decide to add another family member, one that will then be a half-sibling to all of their existing children. Expanding a family always requires a bit of forethought, but in stepfamilies, the considerations may be even greater.

Avoiding Jealousy and Hurt Feelings

One of the biggest hurdles to adding a baby into a stepfamily is the worry that the other children may be jealous, feeling that the new baby will be more loved than the others. Parents understand that a baby merely expands their capacity for love, but children, who have little life experience, sometimes fear that a new sibling will divide their parent’s love, leaving them with less than they had before the baby’s arrival.

Parents and stepparents need to be prepared for a variety of emotional responses from their children when they announce that they are expecting. Kids may be thrilled, excited, worried, frightened, or even angry about the news, but no matter how they react, their feelings need to be acknowledged and respected. Encouraging honest communication is important, allowing children to express themselves and then taking steps to alleviate their fears or provide assurances as needed.

Stretching the Budget to Accommodate a Baby

New babies surely mean a revamping of the family’s budget, so finances must be considered when deciding whether or not to expand the family. Some are fortunate to have ample funds, but many growing families must find ways to stretch their budgets to accommodate the needs of a baby.

Unless they’ve saved the equipment from older children, new things must be purchased and as all parents know, even the basics can be pretty costly. Cots and buggies are just the beginning – new babies grow quickly and tend to need wardrobe additions every few months. With careful planning, though, most families can rework their finances to accommodate a baby’s needs while still meeting those of the remainder of the family.

Making Time for Everyone

In addition to finding money for a growing family, parents and stepparents are also likely to find themselves strapped for time once they add a new baby to the mix. Older children often need additional attention after a younger sibling is born, as they may feel temporarily displaced when they see their parents doting on the baby.

When possible, parents should set aside time to spend with each of their children, both before and after the arrival of the baby. Keeping the kids on as normal schedule as possible, especially if they are younger, will help them to be comfortable with the changes that are happening in their families.

Helping Children to Prepare for a Sibling

Most children enjoy being an older sibling, once they get used to the idea. Parents can help them to prepare by encouraging the kids to talk about their expectations and point out the great things about having a baby in the family.

It’s also important that parents anticipate a degree of behavioural backsliding from older kids after a baby is born into the family. Preschool aged kids, especially, can revert to infantile behaviour, sometimes using babyish language, refusing to use the potty, whining, throwing tantrums, or demanding constant attention. While such actions can be difficult for parents, they need to display an attitude of firm kindness, being patient with their children, but requiring that they behave in acceptable ways.

One Big, Happy Family

While parents certainly should consider all of the possible aspects of adding to their families, few can deny the joys that babies can bring. Parents, stepparents, and all of their children can come together to welcome a new baby into the family, bonding each member to one another even more deeply because of their shared connection to the new baby.