Why Disrespect Can Feel Harder for Stepparents
All children test boundaries from time to time. Rudeness, backchat and refusing to follow house rules are common behaviours that most parents face at some point. For stepparents, though, these situations can feel particularly difficult to handle.
You may worry about overstepping. You might feel uncertain about whether you have the right to correct a child who is not biologically yours. In the UK, stepparents do not hold legal parental responsibility unless formally granted through a court order or parental responsibility agreement, which can affect how much authority you feel you have. Your partner may have different views on discipline, or the children may make it clear they do not see you as an authority figure.
None of this means you should accept being treated badly. Allowing disrespectful behaviour to go unchecked can create a difficult environment for everyone, including the children themselves. Learning to treat others with consideration is a basic life skill, and stepparents can play a genuine part in teaching it.
Setting Clear Boundaries as a Household
Every home needs some basic rules about how people speak to and treat each other. These rules work best when both adults in the household agree on them and present them together.
Before addressing the children, sit down with your partner and talk through what behaviour you both consider acceptable. Discuss how you will respond when rules are broken. This conversation can sometimes be awkward, but it helps avoid situations where one adult undermines the other in front of the children.
When setting boundaries with stepchildren, keep things simple and consistent:
- Focus on a small number of non-negotiable rules rather than a long list
- Make sure the rules apply to everyone in the household, not just the stepchildren
- Explain the reasons behind the rules in a calm, matter of fact way
- Be clear about what will happen if rules are broken
- Acknowledge and praise respectful behaviour when you see it
Children respond better to boundaries that feel fair. If they sense that different standards apply to them compared to other family members, resentment will often follow.
Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.
Staying Calm When Tensions Rise
Disrespectful behaviour from stepchildren can sting more than the same behaviour from your own children. It may feel personal, especially if the child is openly hostile or makes comments about you not being their real parent.
Try to remember that much of this behaviour comes from the child's own confusion, grief or loyalty conflicts. Many children of separated parents feel torn between their biological parents and may see accepting a stepparent as a betrayal. This does not excuse rudeness, but understanding where it comes from can help you respond without losing your temper.
When a child is being disrespectful, keep your voice steady and your responses brief. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or trying to justify your position. Many find that a simple statement such as "we don't speak to each other like that in this house" can be more effective than a lengthy explanation.
If you feel yourself getting angry, it is perfectly reasonable to step away and let your partner handle the situation. You can discuss it later when everyone has calmed down.
Getting Support When You Need It
Blending families takes time, and some challenges may need outside help. If disrespectful behaviour continues despite your best efforts, or if the family atmosphere is affecting your mental health or your relationship with your partner, consider seeking support.
National Family Mediation (NFM) offers services specifically designed to help families work through conflict. Some couples find family counselling useful, particularly when there are disagreements about parenting styles. Family Lives offers a free helpline and online resources for parents and stepparents dealing with difficult family situations, though additional services such as counselling may involve costs depending on the provider.
It can also help to connect with other stepparents who understand what you are going through. Online forums and local support groups provide space to share experiences without judgement. Every stepfamily is different, and what works will vary depending on your family's particular circumstances and backgrounds.
Building respect in a stepfamily is usually a gradual process. There may be setbacks along the way. With patience, consistency and support from your partner, most stepfamilies do find a way to live together more harmoniously over time.
I am really struggling with what my stepson does. He steals from me. I have to lock things away in our bedroom and I've brought a chest to lock. I also leave my purse and bag in the car or carry it when I go in the garden. I'm getting sick of it. He go's through my wardrobe and drawers in my bedroom and takes things. He uses my shampoos and my razor I use for my legs. Uses my towel even though he has his own. He is always taking things. The other day someone made me a cupcake and he took that but when asked he denies all these things even though he has done it. When I speak to my husband about it as I say the first few words he interups me and says I know know I know what he's like. That means be quiet. What can I do because I'm now getting to a stage where I cannot even speak to my stepson and I'm starting not to want to be married. I don't know how to solve this and it's not healthy living
For most of our relationship I have been the sole parent in the house as hubby is a workaholic. When my step daughter was young I was always terrified to over step when I felt she was out line but was worried that he wasn’t doing enough (or anything) to correct her behaviour. I gently swayed her into some better habits over time, she was obviously spoiled before my presence in her life and in need of direction. She was always harder to handle after being with her mom but when she was 12 she moved in with us full time. Nothing gets easier at 12 yo with a daughter away from a perfectly healthy capable bio mother who is simply unavailable...Lately she has been developing worse and worse habits and behaviours to the point that I do not feel comfortable with her being around her young siblings unsupervised. She is borderline abusive with my 5yo physically and physiologically, using marijuana regularly, hiding empty alcohol bottles and even going as far as drinking vanilla extract to get buzzed. Not to mention blatantly disrespecting my husband as regularly as possible. She is extremely manipulative and takes advantage of both her bio parents to whatever end she likes. Unfortunately this all has finally culminated into my husband reaching his limit with her. She is no longer welcome to live with us. I love her dearly, I really do. I have done my absolute best to raise her for the past 6 years and she isn’t all bad. But her bio parents ruined her. At the end of the day, no matter what you do, as a step parent, it will never be enough. If your step-child’s biological parent doesn’t take responsibility for their own child’s upbringing, you will be stuck with and unmanageable step child. If your stepchild has behaviour that needs correcting the best thing you can do is appeal to your partner to take action.
If they refuse, your relationship with your partner is at an impasse. Children need their bio parents acceptance and love, and yes, discipline, a step parent just won’t cut it. No matter how hard you try.
It is with a heavy heart that I admit I don’t want my step daughter in my home again or to be near my children. She has become toxic and I know it’s not her fault. Her bio parents failed her, and I failed her, for not being more persistent with my partner to manage her behaviour starting when I first became involved in her life.
I very much want a life with my husband but this whole thing has caused me to lose respect for him as a fellow parent and if we are to continue raising our younger children together I truly think we will need professional counselling.
I hope some one finds this helpful, I’m combing the internet to find something to make sense of this mess that my family has become. And it seems all I can find is evidence that other people have the same problems but this is what I have learned so far and I
Or I tell him he should discipline him. A few days ago my stepchild and I got into it and it ended with me slapping his mouth. Well he raised his hand and hit me back. I was stunned. I have a fog that just happens to see it all and ad soon as he raised his hand tbe dog tried lunging at him he was tied up. I went inside and from my window I could see this child taunting the dog well at some point I guess he got to close and the dog was able to reach him and with his whole body he lunged at his face knocking him down and resulting in a bloody nose. His dad arrived about 30 min later after all the excitement and I was greeted with his father gettng in my face telling me how I needed not to slap his son all three while not even acknowledging the fact that I had a black eye from his son. I ran up the stairs crying not understanding how this had gotten to this point all the while him still yelling at me. Well now he wanted to know how I could hit his child so hard that I could cause a bloody nose. I said what? Is that what he said? He said you slapped him and Then he had gotten a bloody nose. The kid forgot to mention the dog. My husband said no he told me the dog head lunged at him he didn't say that the dog had caused his bloody nose and that i hadn't. These are the kinds of things I have to deal with half truths and blatant lies. And he just keys his kid slide on every turn. My children have never showed him or anyone else that kind of behavior.i would never let it get to the point where one of my kids would raise a hand to any adult. The best part is the fact that it's been 4 days and until last night after I had words with his father neither one given any thought to the idea of apologizing to me. His father's take on it was it's already been some time if he does apologize it won't even mean anything anymore. Well that's why YOU should've had him do it that day instead of spending your time yelling at me. So this morning he was leaving the house and I was pulling clothes out off the dryer his son walks out of the house passes right by my and his dad calls pouty to him don't you have something to say come over here. He continues walking by me saying how he had to go do something first the something being purifying his swimming trunks in the car
I have made up my mind to walk away because this environment isn't the best to raise my bio-daughter in. Besides, if I stay, this living situation may turn me into a terrible person filled with hatred.
They’ve always had their opinion of me twisted and manipulated by their mother (my partners ex) so never ever really respected me. Have even been cheeky and disrespectful to both me and my partner however my partner will never chastise them
His children are now adults and make absolutely no effort for him even after he had a heart attack last year.
At a loss as to what to do. They’re happy to meet him in town. Not at our house and excluding me.
I know their mother has warped their opinion of me but find it very hurtful that now that they are adults the only time they make the effort is to get a birthday or Christmas present from us. Not very nice people tbh
They’ve always had their opinion of me twisted and manipulated by their mother (my partners ex) so never ever really respected me. Have even been cheeky and disrespectful to both me and my partner however my partner will never chastise them
His children are now adults and make absolutely no effort for him even after he had a heart attack last year.
At a loss as to what to do. They’re happy to meet him in town. Not at our house and excluding me.
I know their mother has warped their opinion of me but find it very hurtful that now that they are adults the only time they make the effort is to ge5 a bir5hday or Christmas present from us. Not very nice people tbh
Like yourself my stress levels are so high because of his behaviour and because his mother thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial the problem is of course me! She never tells him off or corrects him. Some time ago I booked a holiday cottage for the three of us in Scotland but have been left with no choice but to cancel it only because the thought of sharing it with that rude spoilt young man fills me with absolute dread.
Please look after yourself first and foremost and someone will appreciate you one day believe me.
I wish parents would be less fearful of tears and more aware of years - the many years these kids have to navigate the task world with other people when mom and dad are not around.
My husbands granddaughter came to stay and while i was connecting her i pad i seen messages from my husbands son (her uncle) saying how he hated me i was fat ugly etc and saying his dad was a usely dad and that he hated him.this was messaged to a 10yr old anyway i didnt say anything till a few weeks later we was on a night out and messages came up on my husbands phone from his son calling me every name under the sun i was drunk rang his son had it out with him then i read more messages from his ex wife also hateing on me mind you ive never met her it all kicked off to say the least
My husband son is 36yrs old his daughter is 32yrs old yhey never came to the wedding that was there chose his daughter said she would come to the wedding her daughter husbands (granddaughter) was ment to be bridesmaid got the dress etc on the morning she just didnt turn up nor answer calls then a few days after she rang has tho everything was fine
Im at my wits end i just keep thinking maybe its time i left with our 5yr old and let my husband be with his kids
If the biological parent is a permissive parent the child can’t mature. My husband treats his sons who are 18 and 21 as friends. They then act like friends who have been interrupted when I walk in. The younger one is defiant and answers back. They are home most of the day as they don’t have jobs or many outside interests. He gives them money to shop and cook. We have repeat bottles and packages of expensive products as they buy what they need without checking if it’s in the pantry. It’s like sharing a house and worse,kitchen.
I really love my husband and I try to ignore the youngest behavior but It’s getting old after 8 years. I can’t see independence coming for a few years. I wouldn’t do this again. I wanted to live with my husband and thought I could make it work as my own kids are grown up. It would’ve been less stressful for all of us if we’d lived independently until we could live on our own.
The solution was so simple. He just needed to assure his kids he loved them, that I was important to him, that we are the adults in the house, and that it was his job to be a parent not a buddy.
I try to ignore everything and not say anything but as a human I feel like I am holding a lot in.
I was an outspoken, confident woman with lots of friends and a great social life. I thought I could make this work and I couldn’t because it’s not about them and me.
I tried so hard but no matter what I did it was never good enough I gave as much love & attention to the children as I could, specifically the younger one as she had a lot of emotional problems however that was thrown back in my face.never bad mouthing their mother to them as i knew this was a NO NO.
Background: My husband & I were childhood sweethearts then went our separate ways some years later both having had relationships we rekindled ours by this time he had two daughters 7yrs & 5yrs. After moving in with one an other I found I was expecting which was a surprise as I wasn't sure I could have children. I made the girls as welcome as I could included them in all aspects of the pregnancy shared scans & talked though any questions they had tried to reassure them that they where always welcome & this baby was an addition to our family not a replacement, however their mother told them different, I tried, however nothing was ever good enough for them i.e didn't like the food, Pizza what child doesn't eat take away pizza? the holiday wasn't good enough wrong place & why did I go? Didn't like the movie but had nagged about going for weeks this sort of thing, over the years they have been nothing but disrespectful to my husband & myself to the point of saying to my husband he was crying crocodile tiers at his mothers funeral last year, only getting in touch when they want Money,never wishing their father a happy birthday or father's day.
I have been married to their father for 18 years, cried buckets & buckets over the hurtful things his kids have said & done over the years, we have two boys together 19 & 17 now. I don't want to spend time with his daughters any longer as I've tried & tried over the years allowing them to treat my home like a hotel,speck to me like something they have just scrapped of their shoes & always kept quiet as i didn't what it upset my husband & his family however they are rude & disrespectful not only to me but their father too, which always came directly from their mother, their father was & is to soft feeling guilty for not being there more when they were younger but our boys are
Just read your comment, so so similar to mine.. only you're leaving and I havent taken the plunge yet.
He went to prison 4 years ago and his daughter came to live with me, her mum isn't well mentally. She was 13 at the time and I've loved and looked after her for 3 years. The paternal family barely even called to check and see how we were getting on, although I updated my partner and his mum all the time.
It wasnt easy, she was troublesome, she stole from me, she lied to me, she drank alcohol and smoked weed. I began drug testing her and banning her from going out each time she did something wrong etc. I am very hot on discipline and she admitted that she needed it as she'd never had that sort of support before. I was in regular contact with her school and her friends parents, and organised counselling for her, she was messed up, dads in prison and mums suffers with mental illness.
She was telling everyone I was her mum and my kids were her siblings. Although it wasnt easy my kids never moaned or complained about sharing their home and their mum and eventually we all fell in love with her. We were all one big happy family.
My partners mum had a spare room in her house for over 10 years but never thought to offer it to my step daughter. And aunts and uncles, none of them did a thing.
Then all of a sudden out of the blue they went behind my back and told my step daughter she needed to move in with her gran (my mother in law) she packed her things and didnt even tell me she was leaving. I found out via a txt from the gran telling me the room would be ready for her in a few days..
When I questioned my step daughter about it she said does it even matter where she lives and said she was going so that she could have her own room (she was sharing with my daughter).
I was devastated and it showed, I lost my temper with the gran, and the uncle as they were accusing me of having withheld her from them and that I should've been informing them of her every move.
I was doing telling her dad everyday but apparently that easnt good enough.
It's been 4 months since she left and admittedly my household is a lot calmer, my kids are happier and have since admitted that they prefer it now shes gone.
My partner though is being ridiculous and still cant understand why I got upset.
His daughter and whole family have cut all ties with me as if I'd done something wrong. When I txt his daughter to ask how she is, she replies 'im fine' and then doesn't bother to even ask me the same back.
She calls when she wants me to do something and is rude and hostile towards me. And he still cant see that she is doing anything wrong..
He has another 3 years left in prison, am I wasting my time on a man that cabt even support me or defend me to his family??
My ex-fiance's kids turned out to be selfish/immature/easily offended/grudge holding/perpetual victims that were disrespectful to him, his happiness, me, and us. My ex's kids were raised to be the center of the universe, they expected me to bend over and prove myself. I don't bend over nor feel the need to prove myself to anyone, especially kids. When my ex's kids manipulative tactics failed on me, they ran to him and whined. To which he took their side and yelled at me because I upset them. You can see how that relationship blew up.
My parents were divorced and we were disciplined if we mouthed off towards my parent's new spouses. If you don't mind being an emotional punching bag, then by all means stay. If your boyfriend/husband doesn't lay the law with his kids and support you, then why would you want to be in that situation?
If you are single and seeing someone with children.LEAVE NOW!!!
it will only end in heartache and bitterness and crying yourself to sleep wondering why these sweet looking child/children hate you?19 years Iv tried so hard to be the best step mum.Alway making sure my stepchild was included and felt wanted and loved and making such and effort to try and make my stepchild happy.But I just get ?? on every time.Who would think a 5 year old could be so mean and horrid.Yes it true they can because I know.But I thought it would pass and they would realise how good I am to them and they would grow to love me back but at 24 years old this child still hates me.?? dummy here has just now decided she is giving up on wasting her time on this horrible human.Mummy to 3 children and a horrible stepchild.Sorry if this offends anyone just needing to get that off my chest and maybe save some young woman or mans life.
My partner and I share two boys from his previous marriage. 50% of time they are with us. We came a long way and his ex is friendly. She has a nice fiancé also. My partner is suggesting to spend more holidays together for kids. I like everyone but I am the only one who does not have my own child. When three parents are together with kids, I feel extremely lonely. I almost feel I do not want to be there. They can spend time together. But I am afraid of upsetting my partner. I am so tired of just thinking about it.
His daughter is the worst girl I’ve ever met. She is extremely obnoxious, loud, precocious for a her age (not smart, but in the adult way), and a bully toward my daughter and my self. She manipulates her father and gets away with everything she does, all she needs to do is cry, and her father just tells her that she doesn’t need to cry, that everything is ok. She always has to go first, she is the middle child as her brother is older and my daughter is months younger than her. Both of the kids have to do what she says, otherwise she cries and the other 2 get in trouble. She manipulates my husband, denies everything she has said and done to me and to my daughter. I am tired of not having the support of my partner. I finally lost it and I told my daughter she is a “trashy” girl. My daughter has always wished for a sister, and she sees her a such, and loves her. So she told her what I said, of course she started crying and her father is demanding me to apologize to her. However, whenever she does something to me he just turns things around, doubts me and says that I am inventing things, bc his daughter would never do anything bad. He is completely blind and I am tired of his lack of suppport, of him doubting me, of him being a bully to my child, of him being so permissive with his children. I do not know what to do bc I do love him, but I don’t see a future bc of his children, specially the daughter.
Sincerly,
FED UP Mommy of only 2!
I have been dating on and off a widower for a year with three children aged 5,6,9. I have two boys aged 7 And 11.
My (now ex) has the children full time where as I have mine half of the week.
I took on his kids with open arms..I even visted their mum's grave at Christmas to support them. I played with them, chatted with them and treated them as my own. I also had my boys too and tried too treat all the kids the same which I did. I was fun and exciting. My ex doesn't have rules with his kids and they trash his house, they kick, spit , fight and name call their dad and my children. Their dad also smacks the two boys a lot which I don't like.
I have also had my ex call me nasty names too.
He says sorry and says he will make things right and he knows he needs to sort a routine with his kids as they stay up until 10pm most nights. But nothing really comes about. I did reward charts etc but my ex never followed it through so I stopped helping.
I did notice he guilt tripped me over his children a lot too and seemed to forget about my boys ? When myself and my boys stayed at his, his children would kick, hit and call my kids. I tried to be fair and tell all the kids it's wrong. I feel my ex put a lot of pressure on me to be mum to his kids. He didn't really like me doing my own thing and put his children on me emotionally a lot.
As the months have gone by his kids have gone worse and his 6 year old bullies my 11 year old! He calls him fat, ugly, I don't love him, he's rubbish at everything . My son knows he can't hit him as he's only 6... His same son and his youngest does it to my yougest too. My son hits back but I then have to tell my son it's wrong to hit! I tell my ex what his boys do and he just smacks them!? Yet with my boys it's toys taken away, time out, teach them right from wrong!
Things got so bad last week on holiday because his 6 year old picked on my eldest so bad my eldest went mental at me. Turns out he was so angry and hurt at constantly being picked on.
I approached my ex who called my son a big baby and started saying it's because my sons hates women he's angry. It hurt me very bad!!
Next day I went to the beach alone with my boys, had a great time too! But my ex followed with his kids near us...to top it off my ex bought his kids a toy beach rocket knowing my kids wanted one too. My boy's watched upset as they played asking why my ex just sorted his kids out?
We didn't speak for a couple of days as I was so upset. We eventually sat and spoke but his kids started again with mine. I can't tell his 6 year old as he just laughs at me. When my kids tell my ex what his son has done he turns a blind eye ...
It's been such an eye opener as to how he feels I should be with his kids 247 be their mum and feel their behaviour is acceptable? They don't clean up after their mess, have no toilet manners, greedy with sweets and food, trash the house...ye
Her attitude and behaviour generally isn't great, all the family complain about how she strops when she can't get her own way.
I've tried hard to be understanding of everything that's happened in the past but now that I have a baby her criticisms hurt. I don't see her leaving home any time soon but am struggling to see where I will get the strength from to carry on. I often feel like taking my daughter and running away but I love my partner and want to be with him.
I even see admonition about marital vows: "forsaking all others". Maybe the fact that you forsook your vows, and your children, is what got you here.
I've lived this, from both sides if the equation. My strpmonsters were, and I didn't conduct myself in such a selfish, self centered way, so I never became a step monster. Certainly, not being a main component in the destruction of those children's lives, families, and homes goes a long way in this.
#1? Don't be a creep.
#2. Don't be the problem, and pretend that you aren't.
#3. If you've already proven that deception and beteayal ate your Forte's, then the onus is on you to prove you won't do it to the children. Again.
#4 Don't just assume, or pretend, that the rules are different at the other parents home. Or that this is the problem.
#5. Don't treat your children as though they are more lived, more important, or more valuable than the step children.
#6. Stop treating the ex like they are the threat, it the problem, if you were.
#7. If you want respect, it's a two way street. Especially if you've disrespected, and hurt them, in the first place.
#8. If you're a bad person, of low character, and you lack moral rectitude, then own that. They don't have to like you, much less respect you, if you're a lousy person of lie morality.
I told my hubby, "you can have whatever relationship you want with your daughter but I'm done trying". He didn't like it at first and probably still doesn't but he has seen how much better our marriage has gotten because of my disengagement. I no longer ask about her or "nag" him about addressing her disrespect or rude behavior because I have mentally withdrawn from my SD. Nothing she does or say hurt/upset me. When the stepkids/adults know that they can't hurt you or get a reaction out of you anymore they realize their games (or manipulation)no longer works on you and you no longer care, they will either find a new target or take it out on the person they really have the issue with, which is their dad/mom, your spouse.
They do misbehave often but I try not to take it personal. I feel they act such as they are lost somehow. They are lonely and sometimes angry even without noticing where that feeling comes from. I try to give love but when they misbehave I step aside and watch quietly. Not much I can do but wait until they get in a good mood. Stepparents may be able to have good relationship with step kids. And my case I believe I have. But I also know that I would not be their real parent no matter what. So I keep certain distance time to time and take care of myself and my feeling. Balancing these is not easy. But life is short and I rather stay positive enjoying my life.
I share your feelings. I have stepsons 9 and 11 for 3y. My step children talk to dad always. I hear almost only dad I did this dad I want to do this. They call me when they need foods. lol. Also I do not have my own child. So I do feel lonely. Your case you have your own children and also sharing one baby. From stepson, it is tough environment. He must feel he only has dad to rely on. It is very difficult for step children to express natural love to stepparents. It takes time. But please do not give up. Continue giving him love. Talk to him, play with him. I do. Even though I do not have same returns, situations are better. And one day they will look back and understand. I cook and clean for them just like mother does. I hug them and play with them. They still do not say they love me. They still talk to their dad most of times. They do not say thank you for making pancakes. But when you feel they enjoyed being hugged, you are going a right direction.
My partner is careful not to give me extra attention as boys may get jealous. So when we have boys, I have no love word around me. Yep pretty lonely. But I try to think positive and also create my own hobbies. When they are in good mood, they hug me sincerely. Younger one also likes me holding his hands. And I tell myself wow they are cute. good luck.
I’ve been with my partner 3 years, he has a son aged 10 and I have son (9) and daughter 10. We now have a baby so our family is complete...or so you would think.
His son is an only child, spoilt to death by his mother (who really detests me for her own insecure jealous reasons)
When he visits every other weekend he walks in, doesn’t even say hello, never a thank you when you make him his favourite breakfasts/lunches etc. Infact sometimes he will ask with attitude ‘isn’t there bacon with this?’ He walks into our bedroom ‘morning dad’ but never me.....after all I do/spend on him/dote on him like my own I’m at the end of my tether. Manners are so important in our home, even my own children have to remind him to say please and thank you. He resents chores, Thinks he shouldn’t hand to do any and sulks and has a stinking attitude. Dad has now become a bit firmer but then just doesn’t say anything at times. My resentment is at an all time high but my partner reminds me that it’s probably his poisonous mother feeding him all sorts of negative stuff about me. I just feel like I don’t want to try any more...it’s driving a wedge between me and my partner because I brake my back to provide for the whole family and a little thanks goes such a long way! But it’s not there! Will it ever be there at all? :(
I was seeking legitimate advice on how to best discipline a child in order to get results and not scar them for life. Instead the article, like many, went straight to disorders.
Labels are quickly given in today's society, which more often than not, leave the parents with an excuse for their unruly children and a packet of drugs to calm them.
This cannot be the answer!
Thank you. This community is great. Many of you seem having your own as well as stepkids. Sometimes being a real parent is not so rewarding...I know so as I was once a kid also. But I felt having your own kids help you as they hug you no matter what at the end.
I do not have any kid and do not plan as I am bit too old for that. Sometimes I feel like the World is 3 (my partner and 2 kids) vs me. I can not describe everything how I feel. But I feel sometimes they blame me on things and continue blaming on things. I just want to exit and have a fresh air. Then he threads our relationship when I try to take a little break on couple days. Sometimes having dinner w my friend is ten times better than staying in this family. Today my partner yelled at me so loud in front of boys as he got frustrated. I clearly told him yelling women is not allowed no matter who she is. That is a harassment. I made sure that he apologized me in front of boys. Look I am not weak. I stand up for me when I have to.
But it is not easy.
Wow. That must be tough. You sound like even do not have time to think and doing what you have to do. It is tough especially your partner is not there to support. Kids are kids and we cannot expect too much out of them. I agree with PipG. You want to sit down and listen to him. He may not know how to express everything. But as long as you are there for him, he will start to share.
I feel sometimes shellfish to think that my situation is tough. I feel lately sad as my step kids never say they love me while they say they love daddy 4-5 times a day. I do everything for them. I feel because they have their mother and father. I am extra... any kids can say I love such and such. But somehow my stepkids have this rule not to say they love me....and sometimes it breaks my heart as I love them.. well. My issue is such a small thing and this community of step parenting truly helps me to understand how to coop situations.
The situation is increasingly unmanageable... Four kids is hard work but I can't deal with the seething resentment my SS has for me... I do everything for him, have supported him in every possible way and ensured an unexpected level of progress for him academically / emotionally. He goes out of his way to cause problems for me / his siblings... Lots of Stealing and very underhand, hidden behaviours. Nothing too overt and behaves well at school, which is really pushing me to breaking point. Except he has noone else to take my place and would be with family who are unhelpful for him in many ways.
So do I prioritise one child over my own mental health and relationship with my other kids...or prioritise him due to his tragic history?
My partner is not helpful and unable / unwilling to be a present parent figure due to work.
Another point I want to share is that if we treat stepkids as real kids, they will show their affections. It may not be perfect but certainly a better outcome. I do that and enjoy taking shower w a boy!
Came to live with us 5 years ago and he is so rude and disrespectful I've tryed everything he's aggresive hurts his little sister am in tears most days has really don't I know wat to do
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If your goal is to teach her to follow rules, pick something easier than her room to start with, preferably an everyday thing that should be done when you are there to ask her to do it. Empty the dishwasher, take out the garbage, water the plants, sweep the kitchen floor after the evening meal...Explain that this is her chore but be there to remind her until it becomes a routine. If she tells you no then you know you have a real problem. Otherwise, give her a chance to show that she can follow orders and rebuild your relationship. Give it a few months then sit down and talk about the room. Expect resistance and be prepared to negotiate: can you start with just picking up her clothes (it’s the thing that bothered me the most)? Agree that if she doesn’t they will not be washed/ironed and she’ll have to wear what you choose? My one cheeky bugger resorted to taking down his uniform and only his uniform for a whole year because that’s the only thing he absolutely needed ironed (got into 6th form after that: no more uniform). Did I mention that he is an identical twin with his brother who folds his towel at a 90-degree angle and keeps his room to show room standard? Same parents, same parenting methods, genetically identical kids....
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As to the hygiene part: “At this point, I just feel as though she is just lazy or doesn't care about her hygiene” She has already answered this question and I quote “my step daughter replied saying …she doesn't care if she smells it doesn't bother her.” The hygiene thing has been taken away from her and is no longer hers so she doesn’t care about it anymore than she cares about cleaning her room. The part where she ‘gets excited when we go girl shopping’ is encouraging: despite what she says she does actually care. If you can find a way to give her back the ownership over her personal hygiene there’s a good chance you’ll have one less battle on your hands.
We've been in arguments to where she calls me names which includes the "C" word that ends with "T" and every disrespectful name you could possibly imagine. She's pulled my hair while driving as well as punch, kick, bite, and has even thrown an ashtray to my head. She spit in my face more than I can count. She lies to other family members telling them that I mis-treat her. I have some video footage to have as evidence to the outrageously horrible things she's done and continue to do to me.
What's makes it even worse is her father not disciplining her for things that she has and continues to do to me. The maximum punishment she receives is getting her phone and electronics taken away and is sent to her room. In her room, she kicks the wall and/or windows all the whole screaming profanities from the top her lungs. After things subsides, she has the ordasity to come downstairs and apologize. Not in a sympathy apologetic way, but with attitude and smirk. Clearly, she's gotten away with her rants and her dad did absolutely nothing.
I am at my end. I don't know what else to do. The only solution I can think of is to cut all ties with this family and forever be rid of her. Help..
She's a highly intelligent child and she can be very loving. The dark side of her came this weekend when she returned from a sleep over where there was a cat. I'm extremely allergic to cats and have suffered anaphylaxis from being near one in the past. Step daughter was asked by daddy to change her clothes because makes mummy ill. By this time my eyes already itching and sneezing had begun and just beginning to feel my lips blister. She got changed and came into the kitchen where I was cooking. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was cooking. She then asked me if I was still breathing. Obviously I was so I said yes. She said. 'Daddy says you stop breathing when you have been near a cat'. She then proceeded to wipe her hands and clothes all over me. Then she asked me again if I was going to stop breathing. I didn't rise to this but was extremely hurt by the look on her face. She then started to chew loudly in my face ( I don't like bad eating habits and she knows this) She showed me the contents of her mouth. I didn't actually know what to do. She is very strong willed. I have wondered all weekend what to do - and short of leaving ( which isn't really an option as I love my husband too much) then somehow I have to nip this behaviour in the bud. Do I carry on as normally explaining that what she did was not very nice. Or do I just ignore the behaviour and put it down to 'yet another challenging episode'. There's been so many now- she makes it very difficult for me to like her.
I have been with my partner for 5 years now, cohabitating with her 3 kids eldest daughter is 17, son of 15 and youngest daughter of 13. Like most SP's I came into the relationship without any previous experience of dealing with kids and to be honest if I had known what I was in for I probably would have run to the hills before getting involved with my lady. Its really sad as me and her get on very well, except for when it comes to her kids, or rather the eldest two, the teenage daughter from hell and the lazy son.
The problem revolves around when I ask for them to do something around the house or if I see them doing something stupid, like damaging the kitchen work top by not using a chopping board, being heavy handed with the hoover and damaging the paintwork, slamming the front door to the point of it coming loose on the door frame and the shear lazy attitude of not clearing up after themselves in the kitchen and expecting someone else to clean up after them, and all the usual day to day stuff we as adults do. I for one like a tidy house and a clean bathroom and kitchen and I know that I am probably a bit OCD in that respect with high standards, my father was Ex-Military and if it wasn’t clean and tidy, there would be hell to pay.
When it comes to looking after the things that we buy them like shoes, bikes, computers and they have this mentality where shoes don’t get cleaned, bikes start to rust, not get cleaned and computers are treated like a cardboard box, I get very cross with them and my partner. She has a different approach, usually saying, “Well if they cant look after it, that’s their problem as I am not buying them another”. But inevitably she weakens and then, there’s a new tablet or computer as the old one has mysteriously got a cracked screen or doesn’t work anymore.
How about if you teach them to look after things? My parents always taught me to look after things as money was always tight, however, when I try and communicate this to her kids, they don’t want to know, then it gets heated and we all fall out.
My partners previous relationships before me, were with 2 guys who never interacted with her kids and she was married to an alcoholic who became mentally abusive, lost his job, the family home and everything that went with it. So she and her kids have not had a it easy at all.
Her mother looked after the 3 of the kids while my partner took a job as a Teacher. Her mother wasn’t a very good role model or disciplinarian for them, preferring to put up with the tantrums and clear up after them instead of making them do their daily chores. Also, with no male authority in the house during that time, they found it difficult when I arrived on the scene with my high standards.
I guess as I was coming into their home that my partner should h
It's causing relationship problems and I'm at the point of thinking it's best if we end our relationship because of the differences. I love them all to bits but don't think we are creating a realistic environment and teaching the kids about indiviual responsibility which I feel is a must for our younger generation. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks
I know kids can be difficult its part of them growing up along with the mess and dirtiness however this is not my issue. My issue is that I am with my partner of over 4 years and living with him and his 13 year old girl (yes i know what teenagers are like) and 9 year old boy. He has the kids almost half the time and is a great dad this being a very attractive trait, i have no kids but we are wanting to in the future(I am in no rush). The girl is practically impossible and with a nasty bitter biological mother that poisoned her for the first 2 years its now becoming more obvious he should have done something earlier, she is now with someone new thank goodness but despite this shouldnt have put her opinion on her kids as kids do come first and that includes there mental state even if your hurting! I try very hard but not too hard. Im caring and involved but at the same time allow them time alone with there dad its all about balance and Im happy to have me time. its a very laid back schedule with me and the dad and we are happy but with the girl we arent and arent sure what to do? we are already doing the normal suggested tips. she will steal money from my bag she will break my things she will say some nasty things and her overall attitude stinks what can i do? shes having a negative impact on her brother who currently gets on fine with me
After 18 months of sporadic spiteful behaviour I realised I had done everything to try and save the situation (even asking the eldest son if we could bury the hatchet, the reply was 'never') but there was no future for us. Inheriting children from previous relationships is never easy, but adult children who know no boundaries are impossible to deal with.
I read here that partners who support each other have the best chance of survival...well, absolutely no truer words written. I found myself alone, battling the weight of three men and believe me it is a cold and dark place. Luckily, I am strong enough to carry on and I look forward to being free from that place. I will never accept being bullied and mistreated by anyone, let alone those who are supposed to be family. That is my message. Wishing all of you here good wishes, stay strong!
They have grown up together and have been brought up together since the youngest were 3 years old.
They get along most of the time but over the last few years the twins have become lying, thieving, manipulative brats. They steal from the elder two, lie about it and get away with it. If I say anything to my husband, then my kids have done something else equally wrong or have just 'lost' the items which have gone missing. They are far from perfect and messy but they do not lie or thieve.
I am absolutely sick of having to replace clothes that the twins have stolen from my kids. Their dad has confronted them but they are so good at lying that he believes them - despite photos of them turning up on social media of them wearing the said stolen items!
Now they have moved in permanently. They snoop in my bedroom and steal money - though I haven't caught them red handed. They are disrespectful of my property and get away with that also.
They are around all the time and I hate them. They are driving my own two kids away. They will move out soon enough and the twins are ruining any time that I have left with them living at home.
I blame their dad for their behavior as he used to say that he felt he was always having a go at them and that they wouldn't want to see him if he kept chastising their behavior. The result is two kids who are disrespectful, and get away with everything.
I feel I am going to be stuck with these two little brats who will eventually force my own children out of the house and I fear that once that has happened and I am stuck with just them there they will drive me out also.
i married my husband in 2011. the next month a baliff turned up at our home because his daughter had not paid the council tax when he left her in the flat, we had to pay this money out of money received when we got married. i said we should both talk to her and he went ahead and spoke to her by himself. i said this was wrong as it was both our money. he couldnt see anything wrong with that.
the next incident was she split with her boyfriend and told us that he cheated on her. it turns out she had cheated on him, and we only found out because the guy she cheated with told one of my family members. to cover herself she began to tell lies and threw us under the bus.
She lied and said her dad and i didnt speak to her at her nans, one christmas when her dad saw her boyfriend, and said he wanted a word with him. She made excuses and left. after this happened , she walked past me and my daughter when she was at her sisters house, and nothing was said about it. she and her boyfriend posted a picture on facebook sticking up thier middle finger after i had wished them happy new year, again nothing was done. there was a outing for our grandson's 4th birthday and we were left out because she was going with her boyfriend. This upset me greatly as well as my husband and again nothing was said or done.
When my husband tried to contact her she ignored him and when i contacted her to say this needed to be sorted out she came with her boyfriend to our house. when her boyfriend asked my husband what she had told him when they split, my husband said well thats for you and her to sort out. i felt as if he didnt defend or clear our name and he covered for his daughter.
this has put alot of strain on our marriage amongst other things and the funny thing is there are two other step daughters who there is more of less no problems with.
am i too sensitive? i aslo have borderline personality disorder
It was great at first but then my husband started kicking off, because I was angry at his kids being so rude to me, it led to many arguments, as he would not discipline them, their mother left when they were young, she would just visit the house when she wanted and had no time for his kids, paid for nothing and changed her boyfriends like her underwear. NO respect at all. Muggins thats me, cleaned up after the the kids, took them to school, while their mum did nothing at all, the kids have a attitude towards me that she has given them. I left after a year could not take anymore, hostility and being treated with no respect. it was a relief to have my kids to myself and my own space I could be in control of.
I was still seeing their dad, but we dated instead of living together and it was much easier having our own camps. We moved in together again two years later, once all the kids were leaving home, and sold the family home and bought our own house together. 20 years later, its still tricky, but I look back and feel good that I did not let them push me out, and stood up to them, I hope for them and my own children I have shown them that marriage can work, not matter what, and I feel at last some respect is being given. So do not give up, all children are hard work, whether they are bio or stepkids, we are all human.
The first few weeks where great bumpy but my partner and worked through them.
Then Christmas day 2014 while 8 mths pregnant my step son attacked me at the top of the stairs in front of his grandparents because I asked him to lift his shoes. My partner brushed it of saying please just leave it its Christmas we will talk to him tomorrow. It never happened. Since then my step son has made my life a misery. While walking home from school with my special needs son my step son and 4mth old baby boy I asked my step son to hold onto the pram crossing a busy road. He went crazy grabbing the parm trying to push it onto the road ran onto the road himself. Leaving me helpless to get him back without putting my son and baby at risk. A passer by help my step son then said I was trying to kidnap him the person rang the police. It was awful. The incident left me with broken fingers and cuts because he physically attacked me. His dad spoke to him told him it wasn't on and punished him. He said sorry. I thought that's an end to it. No the next day he went into school and told his teachers I had thrown him onto the road in front of a bus and dragged him down the road while pushing the pram. The school then contacted cs the police. They called my partner to the school and asked he come without me. Strange he though as we had no idea what was going on. So he was questioned about the whole incident and laughed about it. Told them it was complete lies and he failed to see how I could have dragged his son or anybody anywhere let alone throw him while pushing the pram as I only have one arm. But still cs and police questioned me. We are now a yr on from that day and it's got worse. I've had broken ribs been pushed on the stairs had urine thrown at me spat on more lies told on me. Made feel so alone that I
I have been a single mother for eight years my daughter is 9, for 8 years is just been me and her, and I have picked a lot of my battles over the years. I will be honest and say that my discipline strategies have been a lot of talk and have to repeat myself several times before things get done. A year ago I met my fiancé now we've been engaged for 6 months we have been spending a lot of nights at his house where my daughter has her own room and the plan is for this summer to transition into moving together. But for the last for 5 months we've been having a lot of arguments between me and my fiance because of discipline strategies with my daughter. He also has two kids of his own but they come very other weekend, all the kids get along great my daughter Love's when they come here and they love to spend time with my daughter although sometimes my kid feels that she's not getting as much as attention when they're here obviously because they're only here for two days every other weekend. But the arguments about discipline has gotten so bad To the point that I decided to see a counselor for my daughter because I was thinking it was more of a behavioral issue, mind she's a great student at school no issues at school with teachers at church no behavioral issues anywhere else but in the house. I have change a lot of my discipline strategies because I've seen some things that need to be changed and my fiance has also show me things that need to be changed and I agree with them and I'm trying to do that but at the same time I feel like I have a 9 year old that's been doing the same thing all this year's and I have become numb to a lot of those behaviors to . We are the point that my fiance and I have taken time away from each other because he thinks that I am more of a friend instead of a mother and even though I have done different discipline strategies some Behavior still happens that obviously doesn't make him happy I feel like there's a lot of attention-seeking behavior from my daughter a lot of jealousy from my daughter and I think also it's a lot of new changes for her to deal with. I guess my question or advice that I needed is, is it possible to get my daughter in the same boat that were in the new house whit a new family and new rules and we have to follow those rules ...is this something that's going to take time and what is that time frame ? is there something that he's not seeing an understanding in her emotional side? one of the arguments is that he thinks I should be the one putting the discipline not him that he should not be the bad guy but where is that fine line between him been the step figure and discipline and a friend,what are his limits? I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of trying to discipline her and make sure that she does and says the right things so that I don't have to jump on her case and then at the same time if I don't react quickly or if I don't discipline her than it crea
I was told that my stepdaughter was staying with her husbands family for a couple of days and that she was popping in to see us with baby for an hour around 11am on Saturday morning. In reality she, her husband, their Labrador and baby were driving from Exeter, a 2 ½ hour drive, to see only us. My husband told me this about an hour before they arrived. I accepted that my day had been hijacked and went out to buy a large chocolate cake. We decided to take them for lunch to a pub in the village. Not realising that they were coming for lunch, my husband had already had a huge Saturday morning fry up. I never have breakfast but had my usual soup and toast before they arrived. They arrived at 12h30 and left at 3pm. It did not run smoothly.
We had recently made a similar trip in reverse, to Exeter, to say hello to the new baby. Also SD had asked my husband if he had a spare laptop she could have, which he did, and she was expecting it to be with him. We had not been invited to their house for a year. I asked my husband if we were invited for lunch. He had asked about this and been told not lunch exactly, but there would be ‘something’. I thought that I should take a sandwich just to be on the safe side and started heading for the kitchen to make one. (Breakfast has never agreed with me but I always eat something between 12h00 and 13h00 at the latest) At this point my husband became frustrated ‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course there will be some food, get in the car or you will make us late.’ We left home at 10h00, arrived at 12h30. There was obvious disappointment that there was no free laptop. My husband had been unable to find the cables. There was much discussion about whether the cables could be found. We were given one cup of tea, but there was no ‘something’. I wondered if my husband would say something, but he didn’t. He knew I would be starving by then. I felt unwelcome and hungry and thought about all the times that I had cooked for them. My husband mentioned that we were going away for my 60th birthday 2 weeks later. SD said ‘yes, oh, I don’t have a card or anything’. SD’s husband said ‘ we’ll take you out for a meal sometime’ (that never happened). We left at around 14h30 and drove half an hour to find a restaurant, ordered and finally ate at around 4pm. By then I was feeling quite faint, bad tempered and somehow humiliated.
Back to the story…After my stepdaughter and her husband arrived and had been settled with tea and chocolate cake and we had told them of our plans to take them to a local village pub for lunch the husband said ‘oh yes, lunch definitely, here or at the pub either would be fine’ I explained that I hadn’t known they were coming so hadn’t made lunch and that was why we were going out. I decided to tell them how underwhelmed I was with their hospitality when we had visited them recently and how I didn’t fe
Now her daughter is 20 years old and still lives under our roof. The last 4 months have been complete hell and I personally want her out of the house. Just this year she has became pregnant (miscarriage) she does not go to school and about a month ago she quit her job stating that they where going to fire her.
Her daughter has a curfew Sun-Thurs 11pm and Fri & Sat 1am. She typically is gone from noon each day until her curfew. When she is at home her bedroom door is kept closed and rarely interacts with anyone in the house. For a while she spent most nights at a "friends" house. After many suggestions to my wife she had a talk with her daughter telling her that she will have to stay home at night and that it would be a rare occasion for her to spend the night at a "friends" house.
Over the last 2 months my wife went on 2 business trips. The first trip her dautghter texted me 20 min after her curfew to state that she was spending the night at a friends. I told her NO that she needs to come home, so she did (pissed). The next night she called her mother to ask if she could spend the night with a friend, and her mother told her yes and asked did she inform her step-father, and she said yes (this was a lie).
Her mother has now been in the hospital for the last 5 days in which she has only visited her mother once, however her daughter texted me last night to say that she was spending the night at a friends house. I immediately told her that it doesn't work like this... She calls to "ask me" not to "tell me" . I went on to say that if she cannot abide by the rules of the house then "maybe" she needs to make the place(s) that she spends the night at her permanent home.
She took this totally the wrong way and calls her mother in the hospital to say that I kicked her out of the house. So my wife calls me and starts the conversation as such "Why would you put her out of the house without first speaking with me?" I was hurt by my wife's approach as she automatically assumed that I put her daughter out until I forwarded her the text messages between her daughter and I.
I can go on and on, however we have a 14 yrs son together. I am seriously thinking about moving out and walking away from this household (not my son). I am a very good man and believes in family first. I am really hurt inside cause I do love my wife but its becoming too hard to deal with her daughters issues. I feel that if she does love me shouldn't she be doing more about this situation? PLEAS
A week prior to this, he opened the door early in the morning waking me up, (again to play the PS which was not then revoked but in our room at the time), I shooed him away verbally and told him to close the door. He closed the door alright. As I was clearing the sleep from my eyes and about to get up and start dressing, I discovered he was hiding in the room. Thankfully, I noticed in time, told his father he was hiding under the bed and his father shooed him out.
I notice in other situations he is often coddled. When he misbehaves, wich is often, discipline is inconsistent at best. I try to stay out of it unless it directly involves his manners towards myself or my son or if he would be potentially harming himself in some way ie the time he took off running in the woods during a tantrum. I would appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.
I have repeatedly told both of them that in my house, disrespect towards me or their mother is intolerable along with disobedience and refusing to comply with my restrictions on said trifecta. What triggered me sending the oldest away to her father was her getting in my car smelling like weed. I asked her about it, she admitted it but had an attitude with myself and her mother when she was in the wrong. We have on repeated occasion not said anything when she appeared to be high, found lighters in her clothes, alcohol in her room, we have allowed her to hang out with her friends and have given her space, seeing as how it is her senior year, all with the expectation that she not abuse this privilege. Going into this year, we had an agreement with her father and his wife that if she were to mess up then she would be going over there full time. I talked with my father in law and he agreed that I should send her to her father.
Her father was not around the majority of her life but has since turned around, albeit slowly, and is much more of a disciplinarian (as legally I am bound because I am not her father).
Am I wrong in doing this? Do you think this will help the younger stepchild, who we share with another household, understand the boundaries that are not to be crossed in my house?
He says things like he is going to 'barf' up my food all over the carpet, he answers me back all the time and if he doesn't win a board game he will flip the board. He has said to me 'hang on let me look at your teeth..' I smiled and then he said 'they are all yellow' and smiled - this was out for a meal with my family. He was in my home before me and his dad were married... My nan came to visit and he said 'who the hell are you?' and looked her up and down. This was in my family home!!
He will change into a baby voice when he wants his daddy to get him a new toy, it makes me feel sick!
My husband never understood where I was coming from, but now he is starting to see it and becoming embarrassed by him.
He lives with his mom who doesn't give him any love or boundaries or anything.
My husband still says that I hate his son though and accuses me of being too strict because I want him to stop answering me back and follow some house rules, which aren't unreasonable at all!
I don't hate my stepson; I just don't like him very much to be honest!
I have reached A breaking point and I am about to leave my Husband I am so sick of the arguing and battling each other for the Alpha Male Role in our Home my Life has become miserable.How does this even happen? How does a Grown Man allow a Damn Teenager to Control his house?
THIS was the worst time of my life, it became apparent so quickly why they had got divorced and it was nearly all based around the mother not supporting the other parent decisions and therefore showing no unified approach. If you dont stand together when dealing with issues relating to the children you are totally SUNK. After 5 months of continual Thiefing, Lieing and Cheating I managed to relieve myself of these children, especially the younger daughter, she was pure evil, an associapath. On one occassion I caught her stealing £60 pounds from my wallet, the total sum over 5 months was nearly £800, when I caught hold of her she spat at me, tried to kick me between the legs so I slapped her accross the face (it was the first time and not hard). I sent her to her room at which time I asked her mother to help me deal with it, she did'nt really do anything. About 30 mins later a knock at the door, to my shock there were two policeman wanting to speak to me about a reported assault. This child had actually called the police from her mobile and claimed that i had assaulted her for no reason at all, after spending nearly 4 hours at the local police station I was brought home by the police and the child subsequently arrested for theft. Whilst on the way home the officer commented to me that if this child was prepared to go this far then what would she be prepared to lie about next !
The mother then blamed me for putting her through a horrible situation. It was at this point I truely realised that I dont have to be in this horrible situation of total disrepect, frustration and hurt, the realisation that these two girls will always cause me misery hit me like a bus. No matter how much care, love, time and money you spend they will almost always never show respect or love to you as a step-parent
My advice to all having similar step parenting issues, is simply walk away, it is better to be single and happy than have the constant daily misery of children who take it out on you because they have'nt been shown the right path by one of their biological parents.There are other people out there to meet, why stay in a relationship that killing you. Once they were gone I did feel really sad for the boy but the relief of not having to deal with this hourly/daily hate from these girls was emmense. I am not writing this to enact anger but simply stating a fact - think very hard about the future as it will only get worse, direspect, lieing and thieving now, next it will be cars, cards etc that go missing
I have two stepchildren, and two teenagers of my own. We have the step kids every other weekend and school holidays, sometimes more. We both work full time. I have got to the stage where i am starting to resent them and dred them coming as i spend all of my time picking up after them while they sit in front of the tv or on the playstation sometimes for up to 7 hours. They are 7 and 11. The 11 year old has downsyndrome but is very clever although very manipulating sometimes. My husband is an amazing dad and stepdad but does allow the kids to eat where they want, drop their rubbish or dump it where they want and also watch tv for what i think is too long and not tidy up toys or anything else. I have spoken to them and constantly ask them to pick up after themselves and to be honest it falls on deaf ears half the time. I have spoken to my husband and have also recently completely lost the plot in front of all of them, which i feel terrible for. I constantly feel guilty for not being able to give my girls things they need and they feel pushed out when the step kids are staying with us, They do not see their father and nor does he pay for them, his choice. I feel i want to spend more time with my kids. I would love for them to have a holiday just us but as my step son has said you are not allowed to go away without us. Even though they are going abroad this summer. They are really hard work and i don't know what to do anymore, am i being selfish please help me.
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